Remembering Pt 2
by SpringHiller09
Summary: REVISED VERSION! Carlisle and Bella have been married for two years.But after Carlisle barges out after a huge fight and gets into a car wreck, he has no memory of their marriage or even Bella.Will they overcome this, or will their marriage be lost in Carlisle's memory?
1. Breaking Slowly

**Chapter One: Breaking Slowly**

* * *

The drive home was silent. Neither of us knew what to say. I couldn't believe that my husband...my own husband, hit my only brother. After everything I told him about Edward being beaten in school, he still hit him. I glanced over at Carlisle, wandering what was going on through his head. He was starring out the window. I grew angry just looking at him and turned back towards the road. It wasn't long before we were pulling into the parking lot of our apartment complex, and once the key was out of the ignition, I was racing towards the elavator.

I knew we were going to end up getting into a fight, I'd never been this mad at him before. But I just didn't want to deal with him yet. I wanted to put him on the couch, and sleep it off until my anger had simmered down. I raced into the apartment and slammed the door, hoping he'd get the hint. I raced into the bedroom, and heard as the door opened and closed shut.

I heard him pacing around in the kitchen. We'd been married for two years, and had known each other for almost five, and this was our first fight. Our first fight where I didn't even want to look at him, and wanted him to spend the night on the couch. Neither of knew how to handle this kind of pressure during a fight. I went into our bathroom and got ready for bed. Once I walked out, he was sitting on the bed, his tie loose and his top buttons undone.

"I have nothing to say to you." I mumbled, walking over to our dresser and taking off my rings.

"Look, Bella...I'm sorry." He said, looking at me via the mirror. I kept my head down, I was so angry I couldn't look at him. "Can you please talk to me?"

"You hit Edward, Carlisle. You physically hurt my little brother." I yelled.

"He provoked me, Bella." Carlisle stood up from himself. I rolled my eyes and walked to the linen closet in the hall. I returned and handed him a fresh set of sheets and a blanket. "What's this?"

"Sheets for the couch."

"You're making me sleep on the couch for this?"

"YOU HIT HIM, CARLISLE! After...after everything he went through during school...you know about all of it and you hit him!" I yelled. He knew how hard Edward had it in school. The teachers tried helping him over and over, but once he was off school property there was nothing they could do and Edward was too scarred to admit it to my parents so they'd do something.

"Look, I'm sorry. But he was asking for it."

"Carlisle..." He knew very well that the fact Edward had autism, made it hard for him to communicate. He'd been dianosed when he was only in first grade, and had been battling it ever since. "I don't care."

"I said I was sorry, Bella. What else do you want me to do?"

"For right now...just go sleep on the couch. I don't really wanna talk to you tonight." I said, crawling under the covers. He looked at me in disbelief, and through the sheets on the floor. "Where are you going?"

"I don't really feel like sleeping on the couch." He said, while walking out. "I'm going to Jasper's." He said before I heard the front door shut. I knew I may have been overreacting, but he knew how I felt about the way Edward was treated. He was a brilliant kid, he just lacked the social ability other kids did, making high school even harder. Edward was my little brother, and I took his safety and well being very serious. My parents said I coddled him too much, but who else would protect him.

I tried hard to sleep, but Carlisle's hard body not being behind me, made me feel unsafe. No matter how angry I was at him, I was madly in love with him and missed his presence in the room. I finally fell asleep around three in the morning, and didn't sleep for long. I woke up at my usual eight a.m. Sunday morning and dressed for my run, the run Carlisle and I shared together. I sent him a quick text, saying I went running, and we'd talk later.

The run felt better than normal that morning. It gave me a lot of time to think about what happened. Carlisle was a patient man, and understood what Edward had gone through, being bullied the way he had. Edward must have really done something to set him off enough to hit him. I realized I'd made too big a deal that night and should have listened to what happened, rather than just kicking him to the couch.

As my run was slowing down, my phone began going off. I slowed down to a walk and caught my breath before turning my music off, and grabbing my phone.

"Hi, Jasper." I answered, taking deep breaths, trying to get my heart rate back to normal. "What's up?"

"Carlisle went home, right?" He asked, sound frazzled. Jasper and Carlisle had been best friends since Pre-K, and since neither of them had brothers of their own, were each other's rocks. Jasper was an only child, and Carlisle only had a sister and didn't relate to her as well as he did to Jasper. Jasper had been Carlisle's best man in our wedding, and I loved him just as much as Carlisle.

"I'm not sure. I went for a run this morning." I answered him as I walked into the parking lot. I saw no sign of his car, and grew worried. "His car isn't here, Jasper. He probably went running."

"Oh...right. You two like to run." He laughed. "But...I'm pretty sure he left hours ago. I was half asleep...but I'm pretty sure I heard the door opening and closing...and that was at like four-thirty in the morning."

"Maybe he got breakfast? Why don't you call him?"

"His phone is going straight to voicemail." He said, panic arising in his voice. "Call me when you hear from him. Okay?"

"Of course I'll call, Jazz. I gotta go though, Alice is here." I told him as I saw Alice's car parked next to mine. Alice was my little sister, but we were only a year apart and she was my best friend. She and Jasper met at our wedding rehearsal dinner, and hadn't been able to leave one another's side since. I hung up the phone and grabbed my key, opening the door to the apartment.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, grabbing a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge.

"Just checking on you." She answered as we sat down on the couch. "You seemed really pissed when you left last night...and Carlisle slept at our place last night."

"I didn't tell him to leave our apartment...I just wanted him to sleep on the couch." I explained.

"Yeah, he told us that. Why are you so mad anyway?"

"He hit Edward, Alice. Our little brother."

"Yeah?" She asked.

"You don't care?"

"No, I do. But I'm not freaking out. Edward is a big boy, Bella. He can take care of himself."

"I know...I just don't appreciate my husband punching him in the mouth. He could have really hurt him."

"But he didn't." Alice said, having a point. "Edward's fine, Bella."

"I know." I sighed, taking a sip of my gatorade. "I'm gonna jump in the shower." I told her, handing her the remote. I got in the shower and washed all the grime and sweat off my body. I suddenly missed Carlisle being there with me. Normally, after weekend runs, we jump in the shower together, enjoying our closeness. I got out and changed into a pair of clean sweats and a t-shirt, planning the clean the apartment.

Alice was thankfully willing to help me with my Sunday chores since Carlisle still wasn't answering his phone. After the fifth time trying to call, I grew worried. We'd never been in this bad of a fight before, but I knew him and knew he'd still answer his phone.

"Alice, I'm getting worried." I told her as I handed her a dust clothe.

"I'm sure he's fine. His phone probably died and he doesn't know when your rathe will be over." She joked as she dusted the side tables. I decided to relax, and just cleaned. But, by one o'clock, and everything was clean and he still wasn't home, I began pacing around the apartment, staying by the phone in case he called. Finally, the home phone rang and I sprinted towards it.

"Carlisle?" I asked, since I hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID.

"No. Miss this is Lauren from Harborveiw Medical Center." The stranger on the other line told me and a lump began to form in my throat. "Is this Isabella Cullen?"

"Yes? What happened? Is something wrong?" I asked as Alice came back into the living room.

"Miss, is your husband Carlisle Cullen?" She asked, causing panic to rip through my body.

"Yeah...he is my husband. What happened?"

"Mrs. Cullen, your husband was involved in a car accident early this morning."

"What?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes. "Is he alright? Why didn't you call earlier?"

"He didn't have his ID on him. I'm sorry it took so long." She said, and I only gasped for air, I was crying to hard. "He's in the ER, and he hasn't woken up yet. That's about all the information I can give you at the moment." She said and hung up. Alice walked over to me, worry in her eyes.

"Keys." I told her, walking towards the hook near the door. "I...I have to go."

"Bella, you aren't driving like this." She said, grabbing the keys out of my hands like a child. "Where are we going?"

"Harborview." I answered as we raced down the stairs. "Carlisle...was in a car wreck." I told her and she only gasped. Alice drove as fast as she could while not breaking any laws. We made it to the hospital in record time. I rushed through the doors to the ER waiting room, and waited impatiently for the nurse to be off the phone.

"Hello. What can I do for you?" She asked.

"Carlisle Cullen was brought here this morning after a car wreck." I told her and she began searching through her computer. "I'm his wife."

"He's still not awake yet, but he is in room twenty-three in trauma." She informed me and I raced down the hall. Twenty-three was one of the first rooms, and I found myself walking into a room, where my husband was laying lifelessly in bed. My eyes filled with tears as I walked over to him. I sat down, and gently grabbed his hand, silently praying God was taking care of him.

A few more hours went by and Carlisle had still not woken up yet. Alice had called Jasper and were both waiting nervously in the waiting room. I sighed in relief as Rosalie walked through the doors to his room. Rosalie was twenty-two, and Carlisle had her at only sixteen years old. The mother, she tried, but after only a year, grew tired of Rosalie and left her to Carlisle. It had been Carlisle and Rosalie for her whole life, and she said she didn't want it any other way.

"Bella!" She nearly yelled as she fell into my arms. "How is he?"

"They gave him some pretty strong medications. They say that's why he still isn't up." I told her as she pulled a chair next to mine and sat down. Carlisle waited a while before introducing Rosalie and I. He had only had one other serious relationship, and it didn't end on good terms and Rosalie was crushed when they ended it. But, once he introduced us, we were best friends. I was only eight years older than she was, but she didn't mind I was so much younger than her father.

"It's been hours!" Rosalie moaned as she paced the room. The doctors said they'd done everything they could, and we had to let the medicine do it's job. "How much longer?"

"It's hard to say, Rosalie." I answered her truthfully. I was just as worried, and just a much a wreck as she was, but I couldn't even think about him never opening his eyes again, It made me sick even thinking that could happen. After another few hours went by, Emmett, Rosalie's linebacker fiancee, was coming through the doors. She ran to him and fell crying in his arms. They were sweet together, I just wished this wasn't the situation they were in.

"How's he doing?" He asked after Rosalie's hysterical cries had died down.

"They said he should be waking up soon." She said as he sat down next to me, bringing her to sit on his lap.

"How're you doing, Bella?" He asked me. I'd known Emmett for a long time before the two of them even met. He was Jessica's, a girl who grew up with, little cousin. I'd known him since his mud eating phase and I never let him forget it.

"Fine." I answered truthfully. The doctors said they didn't notice any major brain injuries, his spine was in line and he'd made it out with only a few broken ribs, and a broken left wrist. I took deep breaths, thinking how much worse it could have been. "He's going to be fine." I told myself, rubbing his hand. Jasper and Alice left after a while, saying there was nothing they could do, and it was just the three of us. Emmett brought dinner from Subway for the three of us, but Rosalie and I only picked at our subs.

It was well past midnight when both Rosalie and Emmett had fallen asleep in the chair. I wanted so badly to crawl into bed with him, and hold him. He looked so broken in the bed alone and this was my fault. If I hadn't had been so harsh on him, he would have never left, and we'd be at home right now, making up. I eventually fell into a sleep, that kept being interrupted by nurses walking in and out of the room.

Finally, at seven in the morning, his heart rate monitor began to pick up, and the nurses came inside, kicking the three of us. I'd never been so happy to learn someone had woken up, until that moment then. We all walked into the room, and Emmett and I held back as Rosalie had time with her father. He told her to go home and get ready for classes, leaving just the two of us.

"Carlisle." I sighed, walking over to him and stroking his cheeks as tears escaped my eyes. "I'm so glad you're finally awake. You don't know how worried I was." I cried, only wanting to hug.

"I'm...sure you were very worried?" The statement came out as more of a question. "Can I ask something?"

"Sure, sweetie. Anything."

"Who are you?" He asked, and my heart broke in two.


	2. My Own Two Feet

**Chapter Two: My Own Two Feet**

* * *

"Who are you?" Carlisle asked after he'd woken up. I felt sick to my stomach as I starred into my husbands eyes. We'd been married for two years and he was asking who I was.

"Carlisle," I sighed, trying not to burst into tears. "I'm your wife." I said and he pulled his hands away, looking flustered and confused.

"No, you aren't. I have no idea who you are...but I'm not married." He defended, beginning to look frantically around the room. "Where's Esme?"

"Es...Esme?" I asked, tears filling my eyes. He hadn't seen Esme since he broke it off in 2010, after we'd already been seeing each other for three years. We'd both been in bad relationships, needing to get out when we met in a bar. We drunkenly slept together, but it didn't stop at a one night stand. The more we talked and saw each other, the more we fell in love. After he broke it off with her, we married only six months later at a small ceremony in his parents back yard.

"My fiancee." He told me and I ran out of the room in tears. He had no clue who I was, and thought he was engaged to that which of a woman. I slumped against the wall of the waiting room and dug my phone out of my pocket, dialing Alice's number.

"Hey, how's he doing?" She asked once she picked up the phone.

"He's awake. After the cat scans were done...they said he didn't have any major brain damage. But, Alice?"

"Yeah?" She asked, she seemed relieved when I told her there was no immediate damage.

"He...Carlisle doesn't remember who I am!" I sobbed.

"What? How could he not remember?"

"I don't know. He woke up...he hugged and kissed Rosalie...and asked where...where Esme was." I sobbed as a nurse walked by. "I gotta go, Alice." I told her and hung up the phon,e chasing after the nurse. "Excuse me!"

"Can I help you with something?" She asked, turing around to face me.

"Yeah, my husband. He was just in a car accident and they said he doesn't have any serious, or major brain injuries...but he has no clue who I am." I told her and she began following me into the room.

"Carlisle?" She asked and he nodded at her, eyeing me like I was dangerous. "My name is Julie. I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay?"

"Sure, go ahead." He nodded, still eyeing me.

"Can you give me your full name?"

"Carlisle James Cullen." He answered proudly.

"Can you tell me your parents names?"

"James and Victoria Cullen. What do these questions have to do with anything?"

"Just answer them, okay." She said, and sat down beside him. "Do you have any siblings?"

"A sister, Kate. She's twenty-nine."

"Can you tell me what year it is, Carlisle?"

"2007." He answered and my eyes filled with tears. Not only did he not remember we were married, he had no memory of us ever meeting.

"Are you married?"

"No, but I'm engaged. We got engaged a few weeks ago, but she doesn't want to get married for another three years." He answered and I quietly walked out of the room. Carlisle couldn't stand the woman when I met him. He told me one night he was marrying her because it was time to settle down with someone, and him and Esme were comfortable with each other. But, after cheating on her and seeing me, he began to see how terrible she really was. It took so long to call it off because she wouldn't let him, and she didn't believe him when he told her he was having an affair.

I slumped against the wall, placing my hand on my growing stomach. He didn't remember me, and he wouldn't remember our daughter was due in only five, short months. A tear streamed down my cheek when I thought of him not wanting her, because he didn't know who I was. The door to his room opened and closed a few seconds later, and the nurse, Julie, looked distraught.

"There is no clear cut way to find out if someone has amnesia...but it is pretty obvious with the way he answered the questions." She told me, and I tried to hold back more tears, but couldn't. "His memory will improve. It's just going to take some time."

"How long normally?"

"It's hard to say. Some people fully regain their memory in a week or so...other's never recover it."

"Never?" I cried.

"Unfortunately, yes. They begin to remember some things, but other memories are lost forever. It is very hard to tell with him. He can't remember the last five years of his life."

"Would he remember a baby?" I asked, rubbing my small baby bump.

"Probably not." She said, and my heart broke even more. "Your pregnancy is so recent. Give it time. Surround yourself with familiar things, people, places. show his photos." She told me before he pager went off. I was left alone in the hallway, afraid to go back into the room. I knew he wouldn't remember me now, and going inside would just lead to more heartache.

Carlisle was transfered out of the ER, and into a regular room. He refused to look at me as I sat with me, and continually asked for Esme. After a few hours, Jasper was done with work, and told me he'd be over as soon as he could be. I met him in the lobby, and he rushed over and hugged me.

"He doesn't remember." I said, trying not to cry. "Not me. Not the baby. Not the last five years we shared together."

"Just be patient, Bella. It'll come back." He told me as we got into the elavator together. Once Jasper walked into his room, Carlisle already seemed happier and more calm. I left them alone as I walked down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. I was grateful for Alice when she was standing at the front door, Starbucks in her hands. We just sat in silence as we waited for Jasper to text Alice.

After a few more hours at the hospital, and no improvement with Carlisle at all, I decided to take Jasper's offer up and go there for dinner. I felt guilty for leaving him alone, but he was alone weather I was there or no, since he had no clue who I was. The drive from the hospital to Alice and Jasper's condo didn't take long, but it gave me time to think. After showing his pictures, and videos of the two of us together, hopefully his memory would improve. I just had to be patient.

"You up for Chinese, Bells?" Jasper asked after Alice had answered the door.

"No...Chinese food makes me nauseous now." I told them and he looked disappointed. "Damn pregnancy!" I joked.

"Then what doesn't make you nauseous?" Alice asked as we sat down in the living room.

"I could eat some Mexican." I mused, making them laugh. The doctors said I was in the stage where I'd want to eat things I normally wouldn't, and I'd want to eat things that normally I didn't like. Jasper excused himself to the kitchen to order the food as Alice and I sat down.

"How're you doing?" She asked, placing her hand on my growing stomach. It had taken a lot to get pregnant, and we'd had two miscarriages before finally finding out last week she'd made it longer than the last two.

"Fine. Carlisle and I decided a while ago to take the pregnancy day by day. We're excited, but he doesn't want me getting into such a dark place if something should happen." I explained. Carlisle had been my knight in shining armor this last year. He'd been there at every doctor appointment, and gave me his shoulders for days after we found out the baby hadn't made it. The first time we found out we were going to have a baby, it wasn't planned. But, as soon as we found out we were in love and we'd both been depressed for a few days when we found out we were no longer pregnant.

"I think that's wise. I mean...I didn't like who you were after last time." She told me, not looking at me. I wasn't so depressed that I wanted to drive myself into a telephone pole, but I refused to get out of bed for two weeks, and even then I was a zombie walking around. But, Carlisle was suportive of me and gave me the space I needed to cope. After three months of walking around, moping, he'd finally talked me out of it and talked me into trying again.

"Me either," I told her as Jasper came into the room.

"They said it should be about forty-five minutes." He told me, sitting next to Alice and wrapping his hand around her shoulder. I was so happy for my little sister. She never had much luck in the romance department and the only other serious relationship she had was back in college, and he was killed in one of those mass shootings people do for no reason at all. I was over the moon when Jasper and her finally came out and told everyone they were together.

* * *

After a night filled with laughter, and smiles, it was depressing to go back to the hospital. Carlisle was being released in a few days, but the doctors encouraged me to bring things of his past to help his memory. I walked down the long, white hallway into Carlisle's room and found him standing in front of the window, looking out.

"Hi." I whispered, touching his shoulders. He jumped back and cursed his actions since his ribs were still pretty messed up. I helped him back into bed, but he claimed to be able to do it himself. He not only didn't remember me, but he wasn't wanting anything to do with me. The doctors said this was normal, I was a stranger to him and he wasn't used to me. For all he knew, I could be a killer on the loose.

"I brought some things that may help you jog your memory." I told him, reaching for my bag.

"That's nice and all...but will someone please just call Esme?" He huffed, refusing to look in my direction. I was beginning to get frusterated, I told him, as well as Rosalie and Jasper that him and Esme had broken up a while ago, and he wouldn't even believe them.

"Carlisle," I said, getting up from my chair and walking to him. "Esme isn't your finance now."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I love her...I'd never break it off with her." He told me as we got to know each other, that they had once been very happy. They would always plan romantic date nights and getaways. They were very much in love, until she started her own interior business, and her work became the love of her life.

"You did though. Two years ago." I said, as I brought his hand up, placing it on my belly. "You and me, we're married and are expecting our first child...a baby girl...in five months. December twenty-fifth." I told him, and he pulled his hand away. "The doctor said she was our little Christmas miracle."

"Look, miss. I'm very happy for you and the babies father. But I don't know you!" He nearly shouted. "Thank you for your help these last two days...but I think it's best if you just...not come back."

"I can't do that, Carlisle." I said as the door opened, and Rosalie and Emmett walked in.

"Hi, Daddy." She said, walking over to him and hugging him. He hugged her tightly. He told me that until Esme, after Carmen left, Rosalie was the only girl he wanted in his life. He'd never thought he'd want to love another woman because of what Rosalie's mother had done to him. His mother told me that after Carmen walked out, Carlisle didn't want anything to do with Rosalie for over two weeks, and he only then spent time with her because his mother was forcing him to.

"Rosalie, I'm fine. Just a few broken ribs, a broken wrist." He said, holding up his cast. "Really, I'll be okay. Now, you've spoken to Esme, right?"

"No, Daddy. You aren't with Esme anymore." She told him and he snorted. "It's true. You are married to Bella now. BELLA!" She said, pointing to me. He shook his head and she looked at me, looking broken hearted. She hated this just as much as I did, because the last three years we'd known each other, we became very close and it was hard to go through this. I noticed Carlisle eyeing Emmett who was standing next to me.

"Who the hell are you?" He barked, causing Emmett to jump. He'd tried so hard to be liked by Carlisle. He knew if Carlisle didn't like him, the relationship would have ended. But, thankfully, they hit it off right away, and had bonded over the last year and a half.

"Emmett, sir." he told him, and I could see the sweat forming on his forehead.

"And you're here because?"

"Daddy, Emmett and I are engaged." Rosalie said, and his face began turning bright red.

"Engaged? You're only seventeen years old, Rosalie."

"I'm actually twenty-two."

"I know how old my daughter is!" He shouted. "What are your intentions with my daughter? Did you knock her up?"

"No! No...she isn't pregnant." Emmett defended. "I love your daughter, Carlisle."

"You gave him your blessing to ask her to marry him." I explained to him. He fought this for another half hour before Emmett decided to leave us alone. Rosalie spent the next hour, showing small things to help Carlisle remember. The bar we had met at, our apartment, the Children's Hospital he began working at shortly after we met. Small things that wouldn't make him go crazy.

"I'm sorry...these things...they just aren't making sense." He told us after looking through everything. He passed out not long after and I gave Rosalie a ride home to her apartment she shared with Emmett, since he'd taken the car.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." She said, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this." She said as we walked into the living room where Emmett was watching the news.

"Rosalie, this isn't your fault. I'm just happy you..."

_"Investigators continue to look for clues that caused the caused the car accident two nights ago that took the lives of two people."_ The newscaster said on the screen as the scene switched over to on location.

"_Two nights ago, an older married couple were on the road, on the way to a anniversary party for their sons in-laws."_ The lady said, catching my attention. Two nights ago was my parents party, and Carlisle's parents hadn't shone up. _"James and Lydia Cullen never made it, though. Their car spun out of control, and went through the silver barrier, causing it to roll down the hill into the ravine. The couple was killed on impact, but we are still looking for answers to why this car spun out of control. Rachel Aniston, KDKA."_

"Oh..." Rosalie cried, as Emmett walked over to her. Carlisle's parents had been killed in a car wreck, and he hadn't told me about it. Not only would I be bringing him home to a place he didn't know, I would be telling him his parents had died.


	3. The Signs We Missed

**Chapter Three: The Signs We Missed**

* * *

Carlisle had come to my parents party, with the news of his parents death ringing in his mind. How could I not have seen how upset he was. How could I have missed something that traumatic, happening in my husbands life? I felt even more guilty for our fight. He'd gotten there late, and I was annoyed at him for being late, since he'd agreed to help set everything up. I had been so angry, and short tempered with him I had denied him when he told me he needed to talk to me.

"Grandma and Grandpa?" Rosalie questioned, unable to believe the news herself. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I don't know, sweetie." I sighed, glancing at Emmett who looked heartbroken for his Rosalie. She was always so strong, and everything was falling apart. Everyone she held near and dear, was in trouble. Her grandmother was the mother she was denied of when Carmen left, and her grandfather was a second father to her. There when Carlisle was studying late for med school.

"That's why he was drinking." I heard Emmett whisper.

"Emmett?" I asked, and he looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. He clearly didn't want anyone to hear him when he said that.

"Yeah?"

"Who was drinking?" I asked, and I could see his eyes begin to dart around the room. Emmett had never been able to lie to anyone, his heart just wouldn't allow it. He knew even if he tried, both Rosalie and I would catch him, and the truth would come out anyway. "Emmett?"

"Carlisle." He whispered, barely loud enough for us to hear. "I was walking back from the bathroom and I saw him behind a plant, drinking a bottle of beer...and he had several bottles at his feet."

"He was...he was drinking?" I cried. Carlisle had developed an addiction to alcohol when Esme started to become unbearable to handle. He had been really good at hiding it from everyone, including his parents and Jasper. It wasn't until I found him passed out on the floor, not breathing that I realized he had a problem. He was more than willing to check himself into rehab, and once he was successful, realized he couldn't be with Esme anymore and broke it off. I realized after I heard of his problem, I'd driven with him while intoxicated and had no clue. He was excelent at hiding it.

"Emmett, you have to be mistaken." Rosalie cried, hurt by the fact her father had relapsed. "He hasn't had a drink in two years...since he ended it with Esme."

"I really...hope I'm wrong. But I don't think I am, babe." He said, and I knew it was killing him just as much as it killed Rosalie and I. I waited until Rosalie had fallen asleep in Emmett's arms before heading home. It'd been a long, tiring day, but I still couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. My mind kept jumping from Carlisle's lack of memory, to James and Lydia lying dead, back to Carlisle and the fact he'd been drinking.

I felt terrible for the way I'd treated him after what he did to Edward, and in reality, the whole night. It was the one night he'd needed me and I'd thrown him out, wanting to have nothing to do with him. Carlisle was such a careful driver, even when he was drunk. I was still finding it hard to believe he'd been in a car accident, a car accident that nearly took his life.

* * *

Rosalie and I both thought it would be best for her to tell him about his parents. I was still a stranger to him, and he would take it even worse if I were to tell him. I waited outside the room while she was inside with him. I could hear their murmurs and I knew she'd told him once he screamed and she ran out of the room in tears.

"He...he didn't take it well." She cried into my shoulders. "Why did this happen, Bella?"

"Bad things happen to bad people. Rosalie. Things will get easier." I soothed. There was not much I could tell her, since I had no idea what the future held. All we could do is pray at this point. Once Rosalie's sobs did down, I could see Carlisle's sister, Kate, rushing down the hall with Garrett, her husband, right behind her.

"Aunt Kate!" Rosalie exclaimed as she hugged her.

"I'm so sorry we didn't get here quicker." She said, walking over to me a giving me a hug. Kate told me that she never liked Esme, and could tell her brother was happier once I was in his life. Kate was like a second sister to me, even if she did live in Philadelphia. "We couldn't get a flight until late last night and by the time we got here, visiting hours were over and we were sure you two would both be asleep.

"Don't worry about it, Kate. You're here and that's all that matters." I told her as Garrett came up to me, hugging me.

"Does he remember anything?" She asked sitting next to us. "Emmett said something about amnesia, but the phone got broken up."

"He can't remember the last five years of his life." I told her.

"What does that mean?" Garrett asked. Garrett and Kate had eloped in their senior year of college and no one was happy about it. But, once they saw how well they were doing, everyone got over it and welcomed Garrett into the family. Garrett was the one person who knew about mine and Carlisle's affair before he broke it off with Esme. Carlisle was drunk and upset one weekend while Alice and I were away together and called him, thinking it was Esme he was calling.

"It means...he has no idea who I am." I said, forcing myself not to cry. "He doesn't know him and Esme are broken up, he doesn't know that we're married...he doesn't know about her." I told them, placing my hand on my stomach.

"When do they think it will come back?" Kate asked as we stood up and began walking to Carlisle's room.

"They don't know. They said it could take only a few days...or it will never come back." I told them.

"What? How can it never come back?" Rosalie asked. This was the first time she'd heard of this too. "Amnesia normally goes away, right?"

"Amnesia is a hard thing to tell with, Rosalie." Garrett said, as we opened Carlisle's door. Thankfully, Garrett didn't get the cold shoulder like Emmett had and Carlisle was happy to see both of them. No matter who was in the room with him, Carlisle would always be eyeing me, almost as if I were dangerous. Kate and Garrett stayed with him until visiting hours were over, and came home with me.

The three of us spent the night trying to think of how to take care of this. I knew they couldn't stay, they had a two month at home with Garrett's parents, and he had a job he needed to go back to. They told me they'd be around to help in anyway they could, even if it was only video chatting, but they could only stay until after the funeral. Kate broke out into tears when she heard Carlisle had been drinking at my parents party. It took nearly a half hour for Garrett to calm her down.

The next morning, I was able to take Carlisle home. I prepped out bedroom with extra pillows, blankets, magazines, and his favorite movies. Until his ribs were healed, he wouldn't be able to return to work, and they wanted him to stay off his feet as much as he could. Kate and Garrett headed over to Rosalie to visit while I picked Carlisle up.

Once I got to his room, he was fully dressed in the clothes Rosalie brought him yesterday, sitting on the edge of the bed. I took a deep breath, knowing this was going to be a long day.

"Hi, Carlisle." I greeted, walking over to him. He turned towards me, and I could tell he'd been crying. "You feeling better today?"

"No!" He almost shouted. "I have no idea who you are...and you just keep coming! I don't want you here!" He said, and I tried to not let it hurt. It wasn't his fault, but when the man you love says he doesn't want you, it stings. Badly. I helped him up and into the wheelchair he was forced to use out of the hospital and into the car.

I took the long way home, trying to jog his memory. But, up until we married, he lived on the other side of town with Esme and nothing was looking familiar.

"That's the bar we met at." I said, pointing to the darkened building.

"Oh?" He asked. "I've never been on this side of town before...that I know of." He said and I sighed. Nothing. I pulled into the parking lot and he starred at the building, unsure of it. "Why are we here?"

"This is where our apartment it, Carlisle." I told him, unbuckling my seatbelt. "But, we are moving out in two weeks, and into our new home."

"I'm sorry...I feel like I should know that." He said as he got out of the car. I helped him as much as he let me up the stairs to the front door and into the elevator. Once we entered our home, his body tensed up and he starred angrily at the living room.

"You loved this place, Carlisle." I whispered as I put the keys on the hook. He shook his head as I helped him to the bedroom. He insisted I left the room so he could change, claiming he didn't want some stranger to see him naked. He said the only reason he came with me was because Rosalie told him, and he didn't want to fight her on it.

Once he was changed and in bed, I brought him his laptop. I opened iPhoto, hoping to jog his memory.

"What's this?" He asked, pointing to the album OUR HOUSE.

"Oh, this is the house we're moving into in a few weeks." I said, clicking on a picture of the full outside. "You loved this house particularly because you loved the cobblestone walkway."

"I...have no idea what you're talking about." He said, shaking his taking his pain killers, he'd fallen asleep. I took this oppurtunity to continue to pack the things I could while pregnant. After working for two hours, I jumped in the shower and just continued to pray for his memory to return. But, once I went back into our bedroom, Carlisle wasn't there. I looked in every room in our small apartment, but he was no where to be found.

"Damnit!" I shouted, when I noticed his wedding band sitting on the dresser. I got dressed and grabbed photo albums, and our wedding announcement that was in the paper and set off to fin him. I decided to look on the other part of town where he spent most of his adult life, rather than waisting my time with the part he didn't remember. My heart broke from him when I saw him sitting on the steps of the old house he used to share with Esme. She'd moved out over two years ago when Carlisle called off the wedding. I got out of the car and walked over to him, trying not to scare him.

"She's probably just out...and I don't know where I put my key." He told me, rubbing his hands together. I could tell the confusion in his eyes, and I sat down next to him. "Really, she'll be back soon."

"Carlisle," I said and he looked at me for the first time since he woke up. "She isn't coming home. She doesn't live here anymore."

"But...we bought this house together. We made plans with this house." He argued as I put our wedding announcement in his hand. "What's this?"

"Read it." I told him. I could see the realization dawning over him as he neared the end of the page. I put the pictures of our engagement, and wedding in his hands and he was finally beginning to understand.

"Esme's not my fiance...is she?"

"No. But, you are my husband."

"Why can't I remember you?" He asked, his eyes filling with tears. "If you're my wife...I should remember you."

"You hit your head, Carlisle. Your memory is going to hopefully return soon."

"So, if you really are my wife...can I know your name?" He asked with the first smile on his face since the accident.

"I'm Bella Swan." I introduced, handing him his wedding band. "This is yours, Carlisle. I put this on your finger when we were married, and that's where it belongs." I told him, and after starring at me, he slid it back on his fingers where it belonged. He still didn't have the faintest clue who I was, or even what year it was, but he was trusting me and we were slowly but surely getting somewhere.

He followed me home in his car, and Rosalie and Emmett met us at our apartment. I sat Carlisle down with the two of them while I made dinner. Even though Carlisle had easily taken a liking to Emmett, he was still protective of Rosalie, but he was being Detective Cullen, badgering Emmett with questions.

"What are you majoring in college?" He asked after I'd handed him his salad.

"I'm a business major. My parents own a line of a very successful hotels, and once they retire, I'm going to be the man in charge." Emmett answered, looking very proud of himself.

"What hotels?"

"McCarty's. They are in almost every major city in the country...including Seattle. It's not far from mine and Rosalie's condo."

"You two...you live together?" He asked. I could tell Carlisle was really trying to remember everything. Emmett had talked to Carlisle before asking Rosalie to move in with him. They had gotten along so well, and to watch it falling apart killed me.

"Yes, for six months now." Emmett answered. I could tell his hands were shaking he was so nervous. Carlisle played detective for another half hour until dinner was ready and then, he began asking questions having to deal with his parents.

"So...do you...do you know anything what happened with your grandparents?" He asked as he picked at his pork chops.

"They don't know the cause, Daddy. I told you that." She answered, not looking at him. His parents raised Rosalie while he was finishing school, and getting his med degree. It was just as hard for Rosalie to talk about this as it was for Carlisle to hear about it. "Aunt Kate said they were planning the funeral for the day after tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"Yeah...I'm so sorry, Daddy." She whispered, tears forming in her eyes. She reached out her hands to his, but he pulled back as he stood up.

"Death is apart of life." He said, his voice cracking with sadness. "Someday, it's going to happen to everyone." He said as he walked out of the room and into the bedroom, slamming the door.

"Why is he acting like this?" Rosalie asked, letting the tears she'd been hiding, fall. "His parents were everything to him, and Aunt Kate."

"It's just the way he's decided to deal with this...he'll come around." Emmett told her and I was praying her was right. I didn't want him curling up in bed all day, crying for them to come back. But I also didn't want him to bottle this up the way he was doing.


	4. So Many Things We're Not

**Chapter Four: So Many Things We're Not**

* * *

It had been over three weeks since Carlisle's accident, and even though he wasn't pining for Esme anymore, he wasn't my Carlisle. He barely wanted anything to do with me, or the life he had created after Esme. He had been sleeping on the couch ever since his ribs began healing, and had scooted as far away as me as possible when we were in the same bed. His body was here, but my Carlisle had disappeared.

The doctors told me to be patient, but it was hard. We were so in love, and he couldn't remember. I was still so completely in love with him, but he didn't love me back. Getting the okay to go back to work from the doctors seemed to make him feel better, but since he didn't remember getting the job at the Children's Hospital, he was thrilled. He didn't remember his coworkers, or his regular patients.

"Why do I have this?" Carlisle asked, holding out the tie I'd gotten for him with beer being poured from a bottle into the bottom.

"I got that for you the Christmas after we met." I laughed, standing up and walking over to him.

"Why?" He asked.

"It reminded me of how we met."

"And...how exactly does...this...remind you of how we met?" He asked, and I smiled. He hadn't wanted to hear about anything to do with us since getting home from Esme's old house.

"We met at a bar." I smiled, thinking of the memory. "I ran into you and spill my drinks all over you."

"Can I hear the story?" He asked, and I almost cried. "I feel like I did know you...and the doctor's are right. The stories and pictures might help me remember."

"Well, Esme had been driving you crazy, and she wasn't home that weekend, she was at a conference in Portland. I was celebrating the end of midterms with my friends...and we were both pretty drunk." I began to tell him as we settled on the bed.

_"We're all outta beer." Jacob complained, slamming his empty bottle on the table._

_"Maybe we should get some shots!" Jared said excitedly. "Bella! Your turn!"_

_"Fine!" I huffed, standing up and almost losing my balance. I stumbled over to the bar, bumping into people and tripping the entire walk. "I need more alcohol!" I told the bartender._

_"What kind?" He asked, rolling his eyes. He was the owner, and hated the end of midterms. All the college kids came here to get waisted, and it was packed._

_"Shots! Eight shooter's please!" I begged, as he rung me up at the cashire, while his assistent got my drinks together._

_"BELLA! HURRY UP!" I heard Jacob call across the music._

_"IN A MINUTE! WINEY ASS!" I shouted as the bartender gave me my change. "Thanks!" I slurred, turning around and running into someone, spilling the drinks._

_"Son of a bitch!" He yelled, looking down at his drenched shirt. I sobered up when I saw the broken glass, and the rest of the liquid on the floor. I turned around and grabbed a bunch of napkins, and began dabbing his shirt._

_"I am so sorry!" I said, not even looking up at him. "Really, I am." I said as I looked up at him. My heart stopped beating when I saw him. He was gorgeous, like some sort of male model. Dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, and a calming face. He smiled down at me, making me melt inside._

_"Don't worry about it. Accidents happen." He said, grabbing the napkins out of my hands and began cleaning up. A worked came out from behind the bar and began cleaning up the glass and alcohol I'd spilled._

_"Bella!" Where are the fucking drinks?" Paul asked, coming up to me._

_"I...dropped them."_

_"You're such a god damn klutz!" He wined, walking up to the bar. "Knew we shouldn't have trusted you!" He joked._

_"I'm really sorry." I said again when we got his shirt as dry as we could._

_"Really it's no problem...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." He said, smiling his perfect smile._

_"Bella. And you are?"_

_"Carlisle. Can I replace your drink?" He asked._

_"I spill my drinks all over you...and you want to replace my drink?" I asked, laughing._

_"Yes." He said, walking over to the bar. We ordered our drinks and found a table in the back where no one could see us. He sat close, almost too close. But, I was drunk, and horny and he was really fucking hot. I wasn't going to push him away. After another few hours, the bar was being closed and we made our way outside. He'd had a few drinks, and he was walking perfectly straight._

_"Do you know how hot you are?" I asked, hanging onto his shoulder as we stood at the curb._

_"Do you know how drunk you are?" He laughed, catching me as I stumbled trying to get in front of him. "But, your fucking gorgeous as well." He told me, pulling my into him by the hem of my shirt. I slammed my lips into him, and moaned at the contact. His hands lowered onto my ass, making me moan louder._

_"My place isn't too far from here. Come on." He said, getting into the cab that had stopped in front of us. It was hard not to touch him for the short time we were in the cab, and his hands were on me immediately after getting out of the cab. He lead me inside, never taking his lips off of my, unbuttoning by jacket as we climbed the stairs. By the time we reached his bedroom, all either of us had on were our underwear._

_"So...fucking hot." I moaned, rubbing my hands over his sculpted abs. He pulled my panties down as I reached behind me, unhooking my bra. It didn't take long for him to be thrusting into me, and for me to be screaming his name. It had been a while since I'd had good sex, and I wasn't sure about him, but the urgency of his thrusts and the loudness of his curses told me it'd been a while for him as well._

_"Fuck!" He moaned as I clenched around him. He came shortly after me and fell limp on top of me. He rolled off of me and pulled me to him, and we were passed out not long after._

"That morning, we woke up no remembering anything, but we put two and two together." I explained as my story was coming to an end. "We both felt really guilty."

"Why'd you feel bad?" He asked.

"I had a boyfriend at the time."

"Jacob?"

"No, he's my best friend. I've known him since I was born." I laughed, and felt bad because Jacob had grown to love Carlisle and vice versa, and Carlisle couldn't remember him. "His name was Mike. He was a good guy...most of the time."

"Did he hit you?"

"No, nothing like that. He just carried a lot of baggage. He grew up in foster care, never had stability and having a steady girlfriend made him uneasy." I explained. "Anyway, we agreed to keep it a one time thing. But, a week later we ran into each other at Starbucks and had a real, sober conversation."

"Is that when we began sneaking around?"

"No, it wasn't until Valentines Day after Mike broke up with me." I told him. "I mean, he didn't break up with me _on_ Valentines Day. The day before. But, I was upset and angry and I knew Esme wasn't going to be there and so I drove over to your place."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it was then we realized how deep our feelings for each other and it was then we began sneaking around."

"For a year?" He asked.

"Three years actually."

"I cheated on her for three years?" He asked, looking appalled at himself.

"You didn't want to. You felt horrible, but she wouldn't let you break off the wedding. She didn't believe you were cheating and only thought you were saying that because you were getting cold feet. It was when she actually caught us in bed together that she believed you."

"She caught us?"

"Yeah, she was supposed to be visiting her mom and dad in New York, but her flight got canceled, so she came home a little early." I told him, and he began laughing. "What?"

"I can...I can just see the look on her face...walking in on me and another woman." He laughed. It was good to hear his laugh, it had been too long. He slowly stopped laughing, and looked up into my eyes, the same way he'd done when we first met. He'd given me this look so many times before, yet now, it made me want to cry. He didn't understand how much I truly loved him.

"I...I should get going." He said, standing up and grabbing his coat. "Don't wanna be late." He said, smiling awkwardly, and walking out the door. I sighed and laid back down on the bed, rubbing my stomach. She was due in four months, and I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he wasn't going to be 'there' when she as born. I heard a small rap on the door and I slowly stood from the bed and answered it.

"Hey," Edward said, holding up a bag from Peter's Diner. "Thought you might be hungry." Edward always had a hard time getting along with people, even Alice and my parents, but we'd always gotten along. No one knew why we were so good together, and no one cared.

"What did you bring?" I asked, shutting the door as he walked into the kitchen.

"What do you think I brought?"

"Chocolate pancakes with strawberry whipped creme?" I asked excitedly. It was an odd combo, and waitresses sometimes gave me weird looks, but it had been a favorite of mine and Edward's since I took him there when he was little.

"DUH? Is there anything else to eat there?" He asked, putting my plate in the microwave to heat. "So, how's Mr. Hair?" He asked. Ever since Carlisle in my life, Edward wasn't number one and he hated Carlisle for that. He hadn't come over in weeks, since the fight and the accident, and he refused to go to his parent's funeral.

"Edward, come on." I said, taking the plate out of the microwave. "Give him a break."

"He hit me, Bella!" He wined, pointing to a minute blemish on his face. "This is from him!"

"You can barely see it!"

"From what I remember...you wanted nothing to do with him afterwords."

"I was pissed off, Edward. I got over it." I said, sitting down on the floor since our kitchen had been packed up yesterday. "He doesn't even remember what happened."

"Yeah, cause he's a fucking drunk who was driving." He said, and my blood began to boil. Carlisle was not some sleazy, old drunk. He had a problem, but he got it fixed and hadn't had a drink since the night of his accident.

"Don't." I said simply. "If you're going to critisize him, you can leave."

"You'd kick your own brother out?"

"Don't test me, Edward. You know what Carli..." I began to say before there was a shooting pain going through my lower abdomen. "Shit." I whispered, grabbing my stomach. Edward's face turned immediately concerned and dropped his plate, rushing over to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked, holding my hand as I breathed through the pain. "Bella?"

"Call Alice," I said after the pain had passed. Edward had never learned to drive. he didn't need it. He loved walking, snow, sun, rain, or sleet. He walked everywhere and I wasn't going to be able to drive. "Now, Edward!" I yelled as he continued to stare at me. He dug his phone out of his pocket and walked into my room, grabbing my things.

"She says she's going to be here as fast as she can be." He said, helping me off the floor and onto the couch. Alice hadn't even bothered knocking, just used the emergency key we'd given her. Her and edward helped me into the car and began speeding off to the hospital.

"Someone call Carlisle." I said, holding my phone out.

"Edward." Alice ordered.

"You do it!" He said, sticking his tongue out at her. I had a feeling, even if Edward didn't have autism, they'd fight like this. Being brother and sister just wasn't for them.

"I'm driving. Would you just grow the fuck up!?" She asked, before looking over at me and quieting down. "What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna lose my baby." I cried. She grabbed my hand as Edward grabbed my phone from me. I could hear bits and parts of their conversation before he hung up and handed me my phone. The drive to the hospital didn't take long, and since Carlisle was good friends with people in the ER, we were in a room in no time. I was just getting hooked up to a machine when I heard Carlisle's voice outside.

"She's my...wife. She was administered not too long ago?"

"Carlisle!" I called out, loud as I could. I heard the door handle turn and was relieved to see him walking in towards me. He sat down on the bed, and grabbed my hand.

"What's going on Emily?" He asked the nurse who had just finished taking my vitals.

"We don't know for sure yet, Dr. Cullen. We wills soon though." She said as she walked to the door. "Trust me, Marcus is the doctor on call tonight. She'll be fine."

"How're you feeling?" He asked, pushing the hair out of my face.

"I'm scarred." I cried.

"Well, what happened while Edward was with you?"

"We were eating and all of a sudden, there was a sharp pain going through my lower abdomen...it just didn't feel right." I told him, trying not to loose it. Women had Braxton Hicks all the time, it was probably just that.

"It might just be false labor." He tried assuring me before there was a soft knock on the door. Marcus came inside, and his face lit up, seeing Carlisle with me.

"Hey guys. What's going on Bella?" He asked me after shaking hands with Carlisle.

"We think it might be false labor." I told him as I looked at Carlisle.

"Okay, well we're going to get this taken care of." He said, paging a nurse. "Carlisle, you gotta scoot for this."

"I know." He said, standing up. "I'll be right outside, Bells." He told me before leaving. It felt like they had been doing tests for hours before he slid his rubber glove off. He went outside and returned with Carlisle and Alice, and I was thankful for my sister sticking around.

"I'm sorry." Marcus said once Carlisle was holding my hand.

"We didn't loose her, did we?" I asked, full of panic.

"No, but we couldn't stop the labor. Your water broke a little bit ago, or else you would have been good to go."

"No, she's only twenty-six weeks." Alice said, and I could see the panic in her eyes as well.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do at this point." He told us, and paged another nurse. "We're going to get you up to maternity. We'll have the NICU ready for you. I wish we could do something." He told us before leaving the room. I felt almost numb as they wheeled me upstairs. It had taken so much to get pregnant, and now we might loose her.

"It's going to be fine." Carlisle assured me while Alice was meeting Jasper at the front. "They have a wonderful NICU here, best in the state. They're going to take great care of her."

"I know, Jess's baby was early and they did great with her boy." I said, trying not to burst into tears. "But, I don't want her to have to be in the NICU at all. I want her to come straight home with us. Crap!"

"What?" He asked, alarmed.

"Home. We haven't moved into our house yet, or even done anything to prep for her."

"We'll figure this all out." He soothed, kissing the top of my head. Nine hours later, Dr. Miller was instructing me to push. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and once her cries filled the room, they took her away from me.

"Where's she going?" I cried.

"To look at her, she's gonna be fine." He said as he cradled my head to his chest. "She's going to be fine."


	5. Don't Be Ashamed

**Chapter Five: Don't Be Ashamed**

* * *

After being cleaned up, I was wheeled back to my room where Jasper and Alice were waiting for me. Alice rushed over to me, and hugged me tightly.

"How're you feeling?" She asked, wiping away both of our tears.

"We didn't even see her." I cried.

"I got a glimpse, she was small." Carlisle piped in. He had my hand in his, but he was gone again. I was afraid he was going to go back to the way he'd been acting. "Smaller than Alice was when she was born." He said, and we all looked at him. He hadn't said anything about our past in weeks. "I saw the picture on the fireplace."

"Oh, right." I whispered. The four of us waited in the room, silently, pacing around. It was stressful, scary, and spooky. I'd never seen Alice so quiet before, and it scarred me. The door opened, and we all jumped, but it was only Rosalie and Emmett.

"Bella!" Rosalie gushed. "How are you? How is she? Do you know anything?"

"No, not yet." I whispered.

"They're running tests still, sweetheart." Carlisle explained. She sat down next to Jasper, while Emmett joined Alice in pacing. We waited a while longer, and there was a knock on the door. We all jumped, and it felt like it hours before the door finally swung open. Marcus walked inside, looking distraught, but content.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked, gripping my hand tightly. He walked over to us, grabbed my hand and kissed it gently.

"She's small. Very small. Three pounds, sixteen inches long." He explained, and my eyes filled up with tears. She was so small. "She's going to be here for a while."

"How long?" I asked, just wanting my baby to be okay.

"It's hard to tell. Could be weeks." He said before leaving us. After a few hours, a nurse came into my room, asking if we wanted to see our daughter. We agreed, and were handed a pair of scrubs, and gloves, and told to wash our hands. We walked into the NICU, and became uneasy. This was supposed to be a joyous day, and these parents, including ourselves, couldn't be happy. Our baby was fighting for her life, and it wasn't fair.

We were led over to the cradle labeled 'Baby Cullen' after everything that had happened, we'd forgotten to name her. My eyes began to well with tears as I saw her. She was hooked up to ten different machines, and was as big as my hand.

"Sometimes, it helps to talk." A woman standing nearby said to us. I looked over at her baby in the cradle, he was small, but looked like he'd grown a lot. "My boy, Ashton was thirty weeks when he was born."

"How long has he been in here?" I asked, and looked over at Carlisle. He knew, he knew everything that was going on.

"About a month and a half." She answered, turning back to her boy. "I'm not making this up, it really helps."

"Wanna try?" I asked Carlisle.

"Of course I want to. I'll do anything." I said, looking down at my baby girl. "Hey there little one."

"You gotta get better real soon." Carlisle chimed in. "Your mommy and I want to take you home. Our little Alexis Faith."

"Alexis Faith?" I asked, I didn't think he had even thought of names since his accident.

"There was a girl in the hospital today, she had broken her arm, and popped her shoulder out of place. Any way, it was really painful for her, but she was really brave. I went back to my office, and looked up what Alexis meant, and it means Strong, and I think Faith is a gorgeous name."

"I love it." I whispered, looking down at her. "Alexis Faith Cullen." We stayed in the NICU with her as long as we could, but there was an end to everything and we had to leave at some point.

After three days, I was discharged from the hospital and was able to go home. Thankfully, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward had moved everything out of our apartment and into our new house. All that was left was unpacking, and decorating. I spent the time I couldn't be with her in the NICU, getting everything sorted and picking out paint for the rooms that needed it.

The hospital was very understanding, and Carlisle's schedule was flexible while Alexis was in the hospital. We went early in the morning, and then after lunch, Carlisle would have to go to work, leaving me alone with her. Ashton's mother, Angela and I became close friends. I saw the growth in Ashton form the pictures she'd shown me of when he was born, and I grew hopeful Alexis would grow strong.

"She's grown." Angela observed one day, after three weeks of being in the NICU.

"You think?" I asked, feeling guilty I couldn't notice it.

"Not much, but she does look a bit fatter." She said, stroking Ashton through the hole in the glass. "She's on the right track."

"Angela is right, Bella." I heard Carlisle say as he walked into the room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, hugging him. His memory of us still didn't exist, but we were getting somewhere. We were no where where we were before his accident, we still didn't have the closeness or the communication, but we were on the road to it.

"I got Aro to switch shifts with me." He told me, looking down at our baby girl. "I missed you two too much to stay away any longer." He told me, causing my heart to melt. He hadn't said something like that to me in so long, and I loved it. "I brought a story...to read to her." He mumbled.

"What did you bring?" I asked, as he sat in the chair next to me. He held up _Rainbow Fish_, a book I'd read as a little kid.

"I remember you telling me your mom read it to you when you were little." He said, blushing. "When we walked past a kids book section in Barnes and Noble."

"Well, read away." I laughed. He opened the book, and cleared his throat.

"This is for you, darling. You gotta get better so we can read a lot of books together, okay?" He asked before looking down at the page. "A long way out in the deep blue sea there lived a fish. Not just an ordinary fish, but the most beautiful fish in the entire ocean." He read to her in his most calming voice. There was something about his voice, that made me feel safe. Made me feel nothing bad could happen.

"Finally the Rainbow Fish had only one shining scale left. His most prized possessions had been given away, yet he was very happy. "Come on Rainbow Fish," they called. "Come and play with us!" "Here I come," said the Rainbow Fish and happy as a splash, he swam off to join his friends." He read to her, and closed the book.

"I just want her to get better." He whispered, slumping back in the chair. He'd been so strong, for me. But I could tell how much he wanted her to be okay, how much it killed him to watch her in pain. "I just want to be able to remember conceiving her." He laughed.

"It was one of the best nights we'd ever spent together." I whispered.

"Really?" He asked, grabbing my hand, absentmindedly.

"I think so. You'd been working late the last few weeks, and we hadn't had much time together. I made you a romantic dinner...although we didn't get a chance to eat it...and it was...the most romantic night we spent together." I told him, smiling at the memory. "We spent the entire night in each other's arms." I told him, and he began leaning into me. His lips brushed against mine, and they fit so perfectly. He moved his hand to the back of my neck, bringing me closer.

As the kiss was slowing down, a fast beeping began to go off from Alexis's machine. A nurse came in immediately, pushing Carlisle and I to the side. Carlisle held me to his side, as we watched int terror. The doctor and nurse were able to stable her, and turned to us, smiles on their face.

"What?" I asked, trying not to panic. They wouldn't be smiling if something was wrong.

"Her heart rate...it just went up." The doctor said, almost amazed. "Her heart is getting a lot stronger."

After that day in the NICU, things were better than ever with Carlisle and I. He didn't remember, but I was enjoying what we had now. We were making new memories together, and after our bedroom had been finished, he slept in the same bed with me. I knew that we wouldn't get back to what we had for a while, but with time, we would be that happy.

With Alexis in the hospital, I hadn't wanted to decorate her nursery too much. We had it painted, and furniture put in, but there was nothing to it. However, when I came home from a work thing one night, I found Carlisle in the nursery, completely different than what I'd left it.

"What did you do?" I asked, astonished he was able to do this. He'd repainted the walls a sky blue, and on one wall painted a mural. It was gorgeous, it looked like a forest and in the far back, a castle. It was right from a story book.

"I had a painter come in to do this." He said, suddenly looking panicked. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, but I wanted to surprise you. And, I think not painting it or doing anything special was making you go crazy." He told me, and I walked over to him, placing one hand on his cheek.

"It's beautiful." I whispered, leaning in and kissing him. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry." He said suddenly, his breathing becoming heavy.

"Why?" I asked, as he began loosing his balance. "Carlisle?" I asked, beginning to panic.

"Bells...I think you need to call 911." He said as he sat down on the floor. I saw him clutching the left side of his chest, and grew scarred. I ran to grab my phone, and call 911. I ran back to him, and held his head in my lap as I talked to the operater.

"They're going to be here sooon, Carlisle." I assured him as his breathing became even more labored. "Hang in there." It didn't take long for the ambulance to arrive, and we were on the way to the hospital in no time. He'd lost consciousness before help got there, and was put on a breathing mask on the ride to the hospital.

I wasn't able to go in with him, and I paced the length of the waiting room, waiting for Alice and Rosalie to arrive. Rosalie got there first, tears streaming down her face and fell into my embrace.

"A heart attack?" She cried as we sat down on the small bench. "He's only thirty-eight. He can't be having a heart attack."

"Age doesn't matter, Rosalie." I said, trying to stay calm. She was scarred enough, I didn't need to be adding to it.

"But...he's always been careful with eating and exercise."

"Rosalie, the stress of Alexis probably did it." Emmett piped in, sitting down and grabbing her hand. "But, you just said he's a real healthy guy. He's going to be fine."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." She huffed, turning towards the door leading to where Carlisle was. Another half hour went by, and Marcus emerged from behind the swinging doors.

"How is he?" I asked, rushing over to him.

"Mild heart attack. I'm going to guess the stress he was feeling is what caused it." Marcus answered, and I let out a breath of relief. "He's healthy, recovery should be easy."

"What's he going to have to do?" Rosalie asked.

"Relaxing is the key. He shouldn't be at work for about two weeks, and even then he shouldn't be working in the ER at Children's." He explained. "Don't let him get too worked up about Alexis, get him into the mindset they're taking good care of her...which they are."

"He's going to worry regardless." I told him.

"Yes, try and get him to relax about it." He told us. "He's groggy from the medicine we administered, but he's awake and alert. You can go see him if you'd like." He said. I walked back with Rosalie and tears filled my eyes as I saw him lying there, breathing tubes up his nose. He looked over at us and gave a weakened smile.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Daddy." Rosalie cried, walking over to him. This was the second time in six months he'd been in this position, and I hated it.

"I'm okay, Rosie. Really, I am." He assured her, stroking his back. "I am." He said as he looked over at me. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand in mine, just starring into his crystal clear eyes. I felt a tear run down my cheek, thinking of what could have happened.

"How do you feel, sir?" Emmett asked, coming in with Jasper in toe.

"Better, thanks Emmett." He answered. The two of them weren't as close as they were before his accident, but Emmett was slowly winning Carlisle over. After confessing his major change to being a trainer, Carlisle grew to like him, and began liking him more when he admitted he'd be interning with the Seattle Seahawks after graduating.

"Rosalie, we have to get going." Emmett whispered. "We have a meeting with out advisors."

"Right." Rosalie said, and I could see the unwillingness to leave, but after a nudge from Carlisle, she reluctantly left with Emmett.

"I'm sorry." He suddenly said after we'd been alone for a while.

"For what?" I asked. "Having a heart attack?"

"No." He said, sadness filling his eyes. "For not remembering."

"Carlisle,"

"I know it isn't my fault...but you're my...wife, Bella. I should remember the life we had." He argued. "I should be able to remember the night our daughter was conceived."

"But, you said it. It isn't anything you could have controlled."

"It doesn't matter!" He yelled. "I can't remember ANYTHING about what we had. No picture can help me, they only prove to me what you say to me is true."

"Look, I hate that you can't remember just as much as you do." I admitted to him. "But, I'm fine with us right now. Carlisle, we're making new memories and I'm having fun doing just that."

"New memories?" He asked. "Bella, up until recently I've been keeping you out."

"Yeah, but you're not anymore." I said, and he seemed to fall apart. I fell asleep by his side that night, and when I woke up to use the bathroom, he was no longer in the bed. I didn't panic though, I knew exactly where he was. I made my way down to the NICU, and saw him looking through the window at the sleeping babies.

"And, your mom...she wants you better, my little Alexis. So, you gotta get better, okay?" I heard him whisper, his head pressed against the glass. "Your big sister Rosalie is just dying to meet you."

"And so is your Aunt Alice." I spoke up, causing him to jump.

"I...I didn't hear you come up."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." He said, sadly. "She's getting so much bigger, Carlisle. You just have to have faith."

* * *

Carlisle was discharged from the hospital two days later, and he seemed more comfortable with Alexis in the NICU. He talked thoroughly with her doctors, and researched her condition extensively. Since he couldn't go to work, he spent every hour he could with her, sitting my her side. He seemed to become more close with her, than I was at the moment. He was already wrapped around her tiny little finger hand.

"And, this is your Aunt Alice." He whispered, holding a picture of my sister up to her bassinet. "She is lively and full of energy, so you're going to have to get better so you can run around with her. And, soon, this will be your Uncle Jasper. He is going to marry your Aunt. He keeps her calm when she's stressed, and a little too energized."

"They say she's big enough now to have a someone other than us in here for a while." I said, sitting next to him. "I think Alice should come in and see her."

"I think that would be great." He whispered, looking down in his wallet. I saw his face tense up when he saw a picture of his parents. I wrapped my hands around his neck, bending over to kiss him on the cheek. "You're doing so great."

"I just need to focus on her." He whispered. "I miss my parents, but what's done is done."

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Have you dealt with this?" I asked, regarding his parents. He'd gotten drunk, and hit Edward the day it happened, and when he had to relive the memory when Rosalie told him, he cried for a while, but that was it.

"Of course I have." He said, his voice cracking.

"Come on." I said, blowing a kiss to Alexis and pulling him out of the room. I led him to my car and got into the drivers seat. He reluctantly got in beside me, slowly fastening his seatbelt. I didn't tell him where I planned on taking him, I just drove. But, when we were almost there, he began squirming in his seat, becoming uneasy. I parked the car, and let him take this at his own pace. Once he was out of the car, I followed him, and he was the one to grab my hand.

He walked us on the pavement through the cemetery, and stopped in front of two head stones.

"Why are we here, Bella?" He asked, wiping away the tears he pretended didn't exist.

"So you can deal with this." I whispered, squeezing his hand. It took him a few minutes, but he finally kneeled down, sitting in the grass. He reached for his wallet, and took out multiple pictures.

"This is our Alexis." He said, holding out her picture. "She's real sick, and she needs to get better. Please, watch over her. Please, Mom. You always helped me when I was sick, now help your granddaughter." He said, his body shaking. After that, he lowered his hands, and bowed his head. He just cried. I knelt down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up through teary eyes, and smiled.

"Thank you, Bella." He said softly. "You were right..I wasn't dealing with this." He told me as he fell into my arms, crying himself into hyperventilation.


	6. For One So Small

**Chapter Six: For One So Small**

* * *

A month and a half had passed since Alexis's birth, and she was finally to the point where she could be held. I hadn't held my baby close to me all this time she's been in this world, and I was jumping with joy. Carlisle and I put on our scrubs, washed our hands and entered the NICU. I smiled as I saw little Ashton in his carrier, ready to go home.

"Good luck." I whispered into Angela's ears as I hugged her. We had exchanged numbers, and promised once Alexis was out of the hospital, we'd set up times to see each other.

"Good luck to you." She whispered. "This day is coming for her too. Soon." She promised like she had so many times before. I hugged her husband, Ben, goodbye, and turned to my precious daughter. She had fewer wires connected to her, but she still looked like a science experiment. A nurse came in and began to process of getting her out of the cradle. I sat down in a rocker in the corner of the room, and she walked over to me.

It was magical. Having my daughter placed in my arms for the first time. Her touch was almost electric, and both Carlisle and I burst into tears as she looked up.

"She's gorgeous." Carlisle whispered, stroking her small head.

"She's ours." I said, looking up at him. "How could she not be perfect?"

"Yeah." He agreed. "Ours." He said, kissing my forehead. After another few hours with her, and holding her multiple times, it was time to head home. "Let's go out."

"Go out?" I asked. We were never the couple to go out often, even before his accident. We were more comfortable with just being with one another, than in a crowded place.

"Yeah, let's go out with Jasper and Alice." He said, and I was surprised. He wasn't one to go on double dates, especially not with Alice along. He was much more calm than she was, especially when she was drunk. "Please? Ever since my accident, I haven't had much fun."

"No, you're right."

"And, I think we should celebrate. Getting to hold Alexis is a milestone." He plead, and he knew he'd get what he wanted when he brought Alexis into the conversation.

"I'll call Alice when we get home." I promised. As suspected, Alice screamed into the phone and immediately accepted our offer. She'd picked an over pricey, restaurant, but she knew the best places in town and I wasn't going to argue with her. After the place was clean, and Carlisle had stepped out of the shower, I took my turn. But, not before starring him down, his beautiful abs exposed.

"Enjoying the view?" He joked once he caught me starring.

"As a matter of fact, yes." I answered before slipping into the bathroom. I took a long, hot shower. Over thinking what my life had become. I had gone from the love of his life, to a nobody, and now it seemed as though we were just good friends. Roommates. I stepped out of the shower, and almost lost it. He was in his a crisp red shirt, and his leather jacket on the bed.

"You look...real good." I said, trying not to drool.

"Well, I want to look my best for our first night out on the town." He smiled as I noticed the blue dress he'd placed on the dress. "I was looking thorugh your closet...and thought this would be really hot on you."

"It was...back in college seven years ago when I was skinny." I laughed. It was a tight, blue dress that only came down to mid-thigh. I hadn't worn it for five years, and I didn't have a baby bulge to be worried about.

"Bella, you were one of the skinniest pregnant women I'd ever seen." He assured me. "And, when you come in wearing only your sports bra...you have your perfect little stomach."

"Carlisle..."

"Please." He begged. I also looked down at the shoes he want me to wear, silver strrapy sandals Alice had bought me for Christmas before graduation.

"You win." I sighed, walking over and grabbing my bra and panties from the drawer. Carlisle ducked out so I could change, and the little voice came back. He still didn't want me, that way anyway and I wasn't sure he ever would again. I stepped out after I was ready, and I heard his gasp.

"You...look...amazing." He breathed, grabbing my hand and kissing it. "What's this?" He asked, pointing to the ring on my finger.

"Oh, this is your fingerprint, on my ring." I said, taking it off and showing it to him. My mother suggested it, saying it would keep us together. "You have one with my fingerprint on it in the drawer. But, you don't wear it."

"I don't?"

"No, you have your band." I said, pointing to his left hand. "You don't need another ring." He flashed his gorgeous smile at me before grabbing his keys and walking into the garage. The car ride was silent, but it wasn't the silent it's been...awkward and tension filled. This silence, was peaceful. Contentment. We pulled into the parking lot and I rolled my eyes when I saw Alice. Silver, sparkly dress with six inch heals.

"Hey!" She squealed, trying to run over to the car. The girl wore heels well, but she couldn't walk at a quick pace in them. "I heard this place got amazing reviews."

"Well, let's not wait any longer and go inside." Jasper said, grabbing Alice's arm. It was packed, but Alice had called ahead and it was only a half hour wait.

"So, how's the wedding planning going?" Carlisle asked as ou bread was brought to our table.

"She's a maniac." Jasper joked, touching her nose. "But, she knows how to plan a great wedding."

"Awww. Thank you, baby." She said, making me smile. Their relationship was just so...innocent. They loved each other through and through and I knew they were perfect for each other.

"What are you thinking color scheme?" I asked, since I was the one wearing the color she picked.

"I was thinking coral." She said, and I sighed. "I know how you don't like pink...but I do. I thought this would be a happy medium." She shrugged.

"No, it's great." I laughed. She began pulling fabric samples, and pictures of flowers to have at the wedding, claiming they were just always in there. I felt terrible, I was the Matron of Honor and had barely done anything to help her...even before Carlisle's accident. But, she was Alice and basically planned my entire wedding, all I was needed for was saying yes or no to her ideas.

"Hey, come with my tomorrow for wedding dress shopping?" She asked as the plates were being cleared away.

"You haven't gotten your dress yet?" I asked. The dress was the first thing we took care of when I got engaged.

"No. The dress I want is crazy expensive, and there is a sale tomorrow at the shop." She shrugged. "I put it on hold this afternoon, and as long as I get it before the twenty-four hours are up at two tomorrow, I'll get the sale."

"You made me pay full price!" I argued.

"If there had been a sale coming up...I would have taken you to it!" She laughed.

"Wait," I whispered. "Who have you been dress shopping with?"

"Oh...ah...Lizzie and Mom." She whispered. "I'm sorry...but you were stressed enough with Alexis and busy with her."

"You could have still asked, Alice." I said coldly. "You're my little sister...I would like to be involved in picking out your wedding dress."

"I'm sorry. But, you could barely stand picking out your own gown." She defended, as I saw Carlisle and Jasper sit back in their seats.

"Weather I love shopping or hate it...I wanna be involved with it."

"You've never been upset about me doing stuff like this without you before!" She nearly yelled. "And besides...when do you care about doing anything with me? All you care about it Carlisle and your baby."

"My baby?" I asked through clenched teeth. "You mean my...our daughter who was born three months early...who is fighting for her life? Yeah, I've been a little preoccupied."

"It's not just about Alexis!" She snapped.

"Then what?"

"Ever since you two got married...no ever since you came out about your relationship...it's only Carlisle!"

"It's all about Jasper for you!"

"Yeah...because you aren't around!" She yelled. "I know it's been hard the last few months...with Carlisle's accident and everything...but I'm still your sister, Bella!"

"Yeah...a sister who isn't even included with picking out her wedding gown!"

"I didn't want you there to help!" She confessed, and I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes. "There, I said it. You would have an opinion about every dress I tried on...and they'd be negative!"

"That isn't true." I defended.

"It isn't?" She questioned. "Because, every prom dress I tried on you had something to say. Every dress I suggested for you to try on, nothing nice to say. You're picky, and you wanna be in control of everything, Bella! First it was Edward, then Carlisle. God! You couldn't even let him be with his fiancee! You had to steal him away."

"He chose to leave." I whispered.

"Yeah. He did. And then...after his accident...you couldn't stand the fact you couldn't control his memory! You hated the fact he actually didn't want you!"

"Because he was asking for his ex-fiancee."

"No. You were just mad because him losing his memory screwed your perfect plans for a happy family." She said sarcastically, as I reached for my coat.

"Thank you for dinner, Jasper, but we have to be going." I cried, standing up and walking towards the lobby. Thankfully, Carlisle followed me outside quickly, and I didn't have to wait, crying like an idiot for long. The drive home was silent, and tension filled. Things were thin enough as it was, I didn't need Alice putting false thoughts in his head about me and our relationship. He pulled up to the house, and I ran inside to get changed.

"You okay?" Carlisle asked after he'd gotten changed, and sat down on the bed with me.

"Fine." I lied. Truthfully, I was crushed. Alice and I had our arguments, but we'd never had a fight like this. We had never really yelled at each other before, and it scarred me because first time Carlisle and I had a real fight, he stormed out and ended up in a car accident.

"No, you aren't, Bella." He whispered, stroking my back. "You wanna talk?"

"What's to talk about? My sister told me what she's been keeping in her entire life." I cried, turning over to face him. "She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you." He assured me. "She's irritated, but she doesn't hate you."

"I would have loved going shopping with her."

"I know you would have."

"I just have opinions because I want her to look as beautiful as she can." I cried. "I know I've been preoccupied..."

"You have a reason to be."

"But, it would have been nice if she asked, you know?" I asked. "And then, send me the pictures of the dresses she liked most."

"That would have been nice of her to do." He agreed. "But, she didn't. Don't let this ruin what you have."

"What we have?" I huffed. "What we have has been an act our whole lives."

"No it hasn't." He said, kissing my shoulder. I gasped at this close show of affection from him. Even since the kiss, he had steered clear of me and I was sure what Alice said about me being a control freak, he'd be running for the hills. "You two both said things that shouldn't have been said. I know you."

"No you don't." I cried, being honest. "You know what we've told you, but you don't know me."

"Bella, I can get a hint." He laughed. "You two seem like the girls who don't let things like this get in between you."

"Except...we haven't had something like this happen to get in between us."

"Then, you have a pretty damn good relationship." He assured me, reaching over and turning off the lamp. For the first time in months, we spent the night in each other's arms. There was no accident, no memory loss, it was just us. Him soothingly rubbing my back, me snuggling into his chest.

* * *

The next morning, Carlisle had gone off to work, leaving me the house to myself. We decided if we would wait to go and see Alexis together, so I got up and made myself an actual breakfast instead of grabbing a granola bar. After Alexis was born, I never had a chance, or the energy to go for a run, and after my breakfast settled, I pulled on my trusty Nike's and headed out the door.

It was the best choice I'd made in a while. I had forgotten how good the pavement felt underneath my feet until now. And I really forgot how relaxing it can be. The one thing I missed was having Carlisle running next to me, singing Pinks, Raise Your Glass...completely out of tune I may add. But, I pressed on and made it through most of my playlist by the time I turned onto my street. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him sitting on the porch steps.

"Hey," I muttered breathlessly. "What are you doing here?"

"I need you to come talk to her." He pleaded.

"She...she can come to me when she's ready, Jasper." I said, unlocking the door.

"She's stubborn and you know it." He argued as I handed him a bottle of water.

"Yeah." I agreed. "But, I'm not the one at fault here."

"Bella," He said, and I knew he was going into thearpist mode. "You and I both know none of what she said was true. But, she's hurting."

"Well, what am I supposed to do...abandon my baby in the NICU and husband when he barely knows how to get to work?"

"No. But, making a little time for her won't kill you, Carlisle or Alexis." He defended. "Bella, she's been feeling this since before you even got pregnant."

"Really?"

"She feels left out. Like you only need her or want her when you need something." He explained to me. "She feels like you don't need her anymore."

"Well...she doesn't seem to need me."

"She isn't comepltely happy with her wedding dress." He told me. "Because you weren't there with her."

"That's her problem, Jasper."

"Bella, please." He begged. "She's been miserable ever since you left the restaurant last night. I hate seeing her like this...I hate seeing you like this. You shouldn't let this come in between you two."

"I'll talk to her eventually." I answered. "Let me cool down...let her cool down, or we're both gonna say more stuff we don't mean, and regret it."

"I see your point, but make it fast." He demanded. "If she doesn't by the dress before the twenty-four hours are up...it's gonna be really expensive and we agreed to pay for the dress."

"When does she have to by the dress?"

"By five-thirty."

"Okay, Carlisle and I are going to see Alexis around three."I told him. "Tell Alice to meet me at the dress shop at like five."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's been a day and it's driving me crazy that I haven't talked to her." I told him, and his face lit up. Truthfully, if I didn't have Alice in my life, I don't know where I'd be in life. She gave me the confidence I needed to go after what I wanted, and I ended up with the best husband a girl could ask for. She taught me how to dress for a date, to dress to impress, and I'd still be in jeans, converse, and a t-shirt daily without her. I know I was the oldest, and I should be teaching her, but we balanced each other out and everything worked perfectly.

After Jasper left, I took my shower and got ready to go to the hospital. I said a prayer as I left the house, praying Alexis had grown since yesterday, and that everything was going according to plan. Carlisle met me in the lobby like usual and we dressed in our scrubs, and washed our hands before going inside the NICU. There was a new family today, and my heart broke at the small little boy with tubes up his nose...he seemed even smaller than Alexis. I stopped in my tracks when I saw two familiar figures standing with Alexis.

"Hey," I whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"She came to apologize." Edward spoke up, kissing my cheek.

"No, Edward dragged me here after he guilted me into it." She snarked, not even looking at me.

"Ladies, this isn't the time or place for this." Carlisle piped in. "Alice, why don't you go wait outside."

"She's my niece." Alice argued. "I have a right to see her."

"Yes, you do." Carlisle agreed. "But, she's Bella's daughter and if you're going to act like this, you need to leave."

"You two are really perfect for each other." She huffed before running out of the room. I looked at Edward and thanked him for trying before he followed.

"You...you didn't have to do that." I cried, looking through the glass to my beautiful daughter.

"Do what?" He asked.

"Kick her out." I whispered. "Defend me."

"You are my wife. I won't let someone talk to you like that." He told me, making me cry even harder. He hadn't said something like that to me in months, and I realized how much I did miss him. I wrapped my hands around his waist tightly, being careful to not let go.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I...I'm getting there." He told me and it stung to here that. But, looking back on everything we'd been through, I was happy he could say one day I am going to love you.


	7. Words of Wisdom

**Chapter Seven: Words of Wisdom**

* * *

"Really?" I asked, trying to contain my excitement as Carlisle and I sat in front of the doctor. "We can take her home?"

"If everything goes as planned this week, yes." He smiled, and I broke down into tears. Alexis. Our little baby was finally able to come home with us. "She has about a pound more to gain, but she's been growing at an amazing rate this last month."

"She sure has." Carlisle whispered. Alexis had been in the hospital for nearly five months, and I just wanted to pick her up, and hold her close without worrying if a chord was stuck on something, or without worrying if something was going to go wrong.

"It won't be easy." Dr. Carlson told us. "She's going to need a doctors appointment at least once a week. Fortunately with Carlisle's health plan, inssurance will cover this. Since we kept her in the hospital for a little longer than some prematures, she won't need the constant oxygen."

"But, she'll need a mask?" I asked.

"For a while, yes." He explained. "Her lungs are still a tad undeveloped. Once or twice a day should be fine. We give her an oxygen boost three times a day here, but she's getting stronger. Unless she's having a hard time breathing, two times a day should be just fine."

"She's four and a half months old...is breast milk still...okay?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded. "You can breastfeed for as long as you want. We normally recommend starting bottled feeding around six months or so, but some moms wait a little longer. That's up to you."

"Bella, I think you've asked every single question possible." Carlisle laughed. "We're going to be fine, and Alexis is going to be perfectly healthy. Plus, I've done this once before."

"Rosalie was full grown."

"Yes, thankfully she was." He agreed. "But, it was still the same. Alexis just needs a little extra care and more of a push to get started."

"He's right, Bella." Marcus told me. "He's a great doctor, and an even better father. He knows how to do this."

"Okay." I sighed. "One week?"

"Hopefully." He sighed, and I lost a little bit of hope when he didn't say yes. But, something could still go wrong, and he didn't want me getting my hope up. However, I had confidence in the nurses, doctors, and even Alexis in that she'd be okay after a week and we'd finally get to bring her home.

As these last three months progressed, so did my relationship with Carlisle. We weren't one hundred percent the same, and I was beginning to think we never would be. He still doesn't remember meeting me, introducing Jasper to Alice, or the night Alexis was concieved, but we were having fun making new memories together. He had thankfully pushed Esme away and hadn't asked about her since that night we sat on the steps of their old house.

Mine and Alice's relationship had also been mended, thanks to constant work from Carlisle and Jasper. They finally resorted to locking us in a room together and not letting us out until they were sure we were friends again. It took a long time. Three hours alone in a room together. We didn't speak for the first hour, and screamed at each other for a majority of the remaining two hours. But, she'd been right. Ever since Carlisle and I began dating, I hadn't been paying as much attention to Alice as I should have. The three hours ended in tears, and we hadn't gone a day without speaking to each other since.

It was the longest month I'd ever endured.

We talked a little bit longer with Dr. Carlson and then went down to the NICU to see our beautiful daughter. Carlisle and I washed up, and put the scrubs on and went inside where our baby girl was. I looked down at our angel and couldn't help but smile. She'd grown so much, and I was so thankful for her. She'd gained four and a half pounds, and everything but her lungs were fully developed.

"Hey kiddo." Carlisle whispered, reaching in and stroking her arm. "You're gonna come home soon."

"Soon." I whispered, leaning into Carlisle and making myself not cry. We spent another hour with her before we had to leave to help Emmett and Rosalie move into their new condo. After winning Carlisle over again, Emmett and Carlisle were thick as thieves and he bought them the condo as a wedding present. Marcus was right, Carlisle was a wonderful father and I couldn't wait to bring Alexis home.

"Hello!" I called through their apartment after we'd let ourselves inside.

"Hey!" Rosalie cheered excitedly, coming out of their bedroom. "How's Alexis? Dad texted me, telling us you had good news?"

"We do." Carlisle whispered, grabbing my hand. "As long as everything goes okay, Alexis will be able to come home next week."

"Really?" She screeched, jumping up and down, and I heard Emmett grunt in pain from the bathroom. "Next week?"

"She has one more pound to gain, and if everything goes as planned...yes. One week." I told her as the bathroom door opened. "What happened?" I asked Emmett, since he'd come out with a blood all over his face.

"Rosalie scared me with her screams." He told us. "I jumped, and cut myself." Once Emmett had cleaned up, him and Carlisle began packing the bigger boxes up into the truck while Rosalie and I finished packing their clothes up.

"I can't believe this." She sighed as we taped the last box up.

"What?"

"All of this." She whispered. "I mean, Daddy bought us a condo...a freaking condo!"

"I know."

"And...Emmett and I are getting married in six months." She squealed. "My dress has been ordered...it'll be here in three months. Did it feel like this for you?"

"What?"

"This...giddy feeling." She said. "There are just no words to describe how I'm feeling right now."

"No, I know the feeling." I said, smiling. "I know Carlisle doesn't remember, but that day was the best we'd ever spent together. Everything that happened in the last four months, with Alexis and fighting with Alice, it brought us closer together. And, honestly, if these things hadn't happened, I'm not sure we'd be close at all."

"He wants to remember." She whispered. "He feels so bad that he can't remember who you are, or your entire life together."

"Did he tell you this?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "You were with Alexis and he got off work early but...he told me he couldn't bare to stand in the NICU any longer than the thought he would. But, anyway...he broke down that day. He was crying and hoping he'd come to remember."

"It still could."

"What if it doesn't, Bella?" She asked. "What if he never remembers what's happened in the last five years of his life."

"Rosalie, we have to hope and pray that it does." I told her. "I hate it just as much as you do. I want him to remember more than anyone. But, right now, we're having fun together and we're making new memories...memories that he'll actually remember."

"I wish we didn't have to make new memories." I heard Carlisle whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Carlisle!" I called as he walked out the door. I followed him out, but he must've taken the stairs because he was no where in sight. But, since I drove us here, he had no keys and I found him sitting on the stoop of the building. "Carlisle?"

"I'm sorry I can't remember." He whispered as I sat down next to him. "I wish I could...but I can't."

"Carlisle, I'm not mad or blaming you for anything." I whispered, rubbing his back. "I said that I was happy making new memories."

"So am I." He told me. "But, I want to remember, Bella. I wanna remember the time we spent together before the accident. Even if I can't remember how we met, or the first meal we shared together...but I can't even remember our wedding day. Our wedding day!"

"I know..."

"Don't you dare say it's okay!" He yelled. "I'm tired of people telling me that it's okay that I don't remember! It's not!"

"Carlisle, I love you." I whispered. "That hasn't changed. Everything I felt before the accident...I still feel. And I know that even though you haven't said it...that you love me too."

"Of course I do! But, it's not okay that I don't remember..." He began, but stopped out of no where. "Of course I love you." He whispered, standing up and pulling me to my feet. "I love you."

"Carlisle." I cried. "I love you too." I whispered, as he cupped my face and brought his lips to mine.

* * *

"Well, that took a lot longer than I thought it would." Emmett sighed as Carlisle brought in the last box of their things. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem, Emmett." Carlisle chuckled, pulling Rosalie into him. "We were happy to help."

"And, not just the help in moving us." Rosalie told him. "Thanks for buying the condo."

"You're my baby." Carlisle sighed. "I was happy to do it."

"Speaking of babies, any news on Alexis?" Emmett asked as we sat down on the floor.

"It's only been a day since we spoke to the doctor." I told them. "But, the nurse said she was still on 'schedule' so to speak, and things were good."

"I can't wait for her to be home." Rosalie whispered. "I hate seeing her in their, and I hate what it's done to you two."

"We're fine, baby." Carlisle assured her.

"I know, but it was taking a toll on you."

"Well, I have confidence in our daughter and and I have faith in her." He told me. "Her name does mean strong faith doesn't it?"

"Yes." I agreed, leaning into his side. That night, the four of us ordered pizza and ate on the floor with paper towels as our plates. It was nice to not be constantly worrying about Alexis and how she was doing. I had strong faith that she was doing perfectly fine, she'd fought so hard to get to this point, and I knew she wouldn't give up now. I could tell that Carlisle had also relaxed since hearing the news, and he went a few hours without checking his phone.

The next week passed by quickly. Carlisle and I visited her everyday still and the nurses were constantly telling us things were looking good. Finally, after our long months, we were told she was ready to come home. We stood in the doctors office and just cried. We cried for what could have happened, and we cried for joy. Our baby girl, was getting to come home and begin her life with us.

"She's coming home." I whispered to Carlisle as they prepped her to come home.

"She's coming home." He agreed, a tear slipping down his cheek. "Home."

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?" A nurse asked from the door. "Do you have everything you need to get her home?"

"Yes." Carlisle nodded, picking up her carrier. "Is it time?"

"We just finished taking out her breathing tube." The nurse said with a bright smile on her face. "You came come in and get her ready for your house."

"Thank you." I sighed, picking up her diaper bag and following the nurse inside. I changed Alexis's diaper and clothes before placing her carefully in her carried. She looked up at me, with the eyes of her father, and smiled at me. I held back my tears as Carlisle put the handle up and picked the carrier off the ground. We said goodbye's to other couples who'd we had become friends with and we walked out the door. Carlisle strapped her into her car seat and drove at five miles an hour.

"Okay, Alexis." I whispered as we parked our car in the driveway. "You're home."

"Home." Carlisle sighed, getting out and getting her carrier out of the car. I grabbed the diaper bag and opened the garage door for us. We stepped inside and set her carrier on the dryer and I carefully picked her up. Once she wasn't fussing anymore, we left the laundry room and walked inside, only to be bombarded with people.

"Surprise!" A crowd full of people said in a normal voice so they wouldn't scare the baby. My eyes welled up with tears as I saw all the people we love in our living room. Kate and Garrett had even flown in for the first time since Carlisle's accident.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked, gently hugging Kate and Carlisle shook Garrett's hand.

"Rosalie called us, telling us that Alexis would finally be coming home and we decided to fly in." She explained. "It'd been too long since we'd been here anyway. So, Garrett's mother took Nina and we got on a plane this morning."

"Plus, we were the only people who hadn't met our niece yet." Garrett cooed as he starred down at Alexis. Nina was a complete Daddy's girl and Garrett seemed to have a soft spot for little girls. It was a hectic afternoon. Not everyone had met Alexis yet and everyone was wanting to play pass the baby around. Thankfully, my mother had taken care of the cooking and I wouldn't have to cook.

"Hey," I whispered, tapping Emmett's shoulder who was holding Alexis for the tenth time that afternoon. "I have to give her her oxygen."

"Oxygen?" He asked, handing her over to me.

"Her lungs are still a little undeveloped." I explained as I moved to her nursery upstairs. "She needs to be put on oxygen twice a day until they are nice and developed."

"Oh."

"She's okay, Emmett." I assured him as I placed the mask over her mouth. "She just needs a little bit of a push from us for her to grow and be okay."

Once Alexis had her 'oxygen dosage' I fed and changed her and by that time, she was starting to get cranky. I sat down in the rocking chair and began slowly rocking, back and forth.

"I see trees of green...red roses too. I see em bloom...for me and for you. And I think to myself...what a wonderful world." I sang softly and not before long, her breathing was steady and heavy, and I stood up to put her in her crib.

"It really is a wonderful world." Carlisle whispered as he walked into the nursery.

"It sure is." I agreed, looking down at my beautiful baby girl. She fought so hard to get to this stage and I was so thankful to have her home. It had been the longest four months of my life and I seemed to be holding my breath everyday, not wanting to somehow rock the boat. But, nothing happened and our daughter was home...happy and healthy.

Carlisle and I eventually left her nursery and said goodbye to everyone. It'd been a long, emotional day and although we were grateful, we just wanted to sleep. But, sleep wasn't really an option. Although Alexis was four months, she still needed to be fed and changed in the middle of the night. But, Carlisle was helpful and changed every diaper than night and I got up to feed her.

"What are you girls going to do today?" Carlisle asked the next morning as he guzzled his coffee.

"Well, Rosalie is going to come over after class and hang out for a bit." I told him. "We're going to look at centerpiece arrangements."

"Sounds like loads of fun." He laughed.

"And then, I invited Kate and Garrett over for dinner. They wanted to see some of their college friends while they were, so they're gonna stay for a little longer."

"Great." Carlisle said. "I miss her."

"I know you do."

"She was my best friend growing up."

"I know."

"We did everything together." He mused. "When she told me they'd eloped...I wanted to gauge Garrett's eyes out. And not just because they'd gotten married without anyone knowing...but because Kate wasn't mine anymore."

"You're always going to be her brother."

"It's different." He told me. "It's that...I'm not the first person they're going to go to when they have a problem, and they're going to tell them exciting things first."

"That's what Alice told me when you and Jasper locked us in that closet together." I laughed. "What time do you work til?"

"Well, the hospital is still being flexible, so I should be done by six at the latest."

"Sounds good." I smiled as Alexis began crying. "Someone needs changing."

"I got her."

"You gotta go to work."

"A five minute diaper change isn't going to make me that late." He pointed out as he picked Alexis out of her seat. I smiled as I overheard him talking to Alexis about how wonderful I'd made this house and how much she was going to love living here.

"I was in a situation like you are now, Alexis." He whispered. "See, a little bit before you were born, I had a bad accident. I didn't remember your mommy. But, she was kind and caring towards me...even when I was mean to her. You are going to love her, Lexi. She's always going to take care of you."

Carlisle still didn't remember anything from our marriage. But, he'd made such good progress, I really didn't care anymore.


End file.
